Here's the news folks!

It was a little over year ago that Charlie and I started our team training.  We had only known each other for a short amount of time- during a few trainings and outings that we worked together here and there.  During those couple of months before we were placed together it felt almost unbearable… the wait to actually start our journey.  I would check my phone constantly for an update from his trainer or anxiously await the next UDS event that we would be paired up together- any excuse to see him.  Then, the week finally arrived for team training.  I got to see his reoccurring and unwavering excitement for me when I rolled through the door in the mornings at the training facility.  We bonded hard and fast, like we had always known each other.  But then things began to change. 

I feel like I owe an explanation to all of Team Charlie’s supporters.  A lot has happened over the course of this year that we’ve been together.  If you ask me what I love most about what Charlie does for me is that he makes me feel safe and seen.  People don’t ignore me like they used to- they see Charlie and me together and instantly smile.  They actually stop and talk and move out of my way.  I am treated like a human being (minus that time the bus driver didn’t want to let me ride because he didn’t have room for my wheelchair and service dog but that is a WHOLE different story).

I am guessing this situation is a lot like the beginning of a marriage, especially one where you’re young and naïve and have no insight on what it’s really like.  The kind where you’ve skipped the counsel, don’t ask the right questions, and think you know it all.  It’s as if the whole world around you would be supportive and understand everything without any effort.  You have all these hopes and dreams and ideas of all the great things that are going to happen and how every moment will feel better than the last.  And how everyone will recognize how perfect the two of you are together.  I understand that Charlie isn’t my husband, but I do think he was made for me.  It’s just that I had a very different picture of what was going to happen, even before I met him.

In my head was this grandiose idea of what life would be like with a service dog.  I thought my daily well-being would miraculously change and everything would be easier.  I wanted to believe that this would be the best behaved creature I’d ever encounter and everyone would want one just like him.  I pictured a gentle beast that wouldn’t hurt a fly, lived well beyond his years without any health problems, could read my mind, and always put me in a good mood. 

And then we had our bumps in the road.  At first, I told myself it was an adjustment period, give him time to settle in.  He needed to re-learn everything with me because I am new.  That he was still bonding and those things would subside.  I tried what I felt like was everything.  I kept a lot of things quiet and only told those who had known Charlie since he was a puppy.  We did a great job of keeping up our perfect-team image in public.  It’s like he knew the spot light was on him and that he needed to keep the front up. 

In the end, I expected too much of him and pushed him too hard.  I had to stop before it was too late, and I still wonder if that point has already been passed.  He was physically hurting and emotionally unstable. 

Charlie is still an active service dog.  He makes my life better.  There are just certain things that I have to do in order to keep him healthy and happy.  He won’t be able to ever handle riding the bus again because it’s too much and he doesn’t know how to cope.  He won’t be able to romp with his friends or share toys like he used to because he gets too overwhelmed and reacts in an un-socially acceptable way.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to travel with him because he needs structure and a constant routine.  I have to monitor his stress threshold and make sure he doesn’t go over it.  I will have to face that he is no longer as physically fit and he was supposed to be due to arthritis and dysplasia in his elbow.  But most of all, the easiest thing of all, is that I have to keep loving him and setting him up for success. 

  I did not prepare for these medical issues in any way- emotionally or financially.  So, I have Team Charlie t-shirts for sale and the proceeds will go directly to his medical bills that are rolling in.  He has already had his elbow x-rayed multiple ways to see the severity of the arthritis and determine if there is dysplasia, but now they want to do a CT scan and surgery to slow the deterioration in his elbow.  Here's the link for the t-shirts: www.booster.com/charlietheservicedog3.

So what is my game plan?  Well, Charlie is currently on antidepressants to help with his stress and super-duper joint supplements for his elbow.  He also takes some prescribed pain meds when he is having a rough day.  I have to wait on the CT scan and surgery for three reasons- the cost, necessity, and recovery process.  One vet says it’s important to do it sooner than later in order to slow it down and the other says to wait and see how he does with the medications.  I am leaning towards waiting, especially because of the risk of surgery, the possibility of it not even working, and the expense.  And he won’t be riding the bus- I can’t control who is driving and how they drive (he slid around quite a few times and the breaking point was when he slid so hard that he was choked).  It’s just too much for him.  Eventually, I’d love to get a vehicle that I can drive and transport my power chair and Charlie.

That dream that I had of us will never come to be.  I now have to edit our lifestyle and proceed with caution.  I needed to grieve my idyllic life.  I had to understand that what I thought was completely wrong- he isn’t some dog with super powers.  He’s a dog.  And he’s still my here-on-earth saving grace.  I knew we were brought together for a reason, but didn’t think this was the road we’d have to take. 

I am truly blessed with some amazing supporters who get this and are there for us in so many different ways.  It’s like I’ve gained a whole new family through this all.  Thank you to those who are behind us and believe in us.  Your love is felt and appreciated- you have no idea how many times I’ve felt this load bearing down and then one of you pops up and lifts that load right off of me.